If you are wondering where I have been, I have just been under a lot of stress lately. Not sure if any of you have the unfortunate time having to take antidepressants in this day in age; That is where I stand right now. Sometimes I have great days and others are way harder than others. I always feel like people are out to get me or I feel like the heavy weight is on my chest. The pressure that sits in my frontal cortex or at least that is where it feels like where the pain sits, I feel like being locked in a small room with the demon on the other side pounding at the door. Ever since I moved to Vermont I have been taking antidepressants. The demon showed itself on the ride to Vermont honestly. I live with it, begging it to leave me alone, but it won’t unless I take my meds. No amount of meditation, praying, or soothing techniques will coax the demon to leave me alone. I guess it doesn’t help that I am a people pleaser also huh? I believe it’s a toxic combo. If my father could see me now I know he would be very disappointed in me. I guess that also is something that keeps me in the lows points of my life. To many people tell me oh you need to be more positive and look on the bright side, but what if you get to a point when the bright isn’t so bright as you think it was at one time. In relation to the title of this entry it’s referring to a number of hours I have left before the sun rises and the demon awakes again and the pain starts all over again. If you are wondering if I am referring to an actual person (That is up to your interpretation).
until Later All,
Sleepless in Vermont